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Old 04-01-2020, 08:27 PM   #311
CamaroDoc
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Were they Coronas?



.
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I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue....

The gas pedal is the one on the right....
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Old 04-02-2020, 08:09 AM   #312
TPogue
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With lime disinfectant
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Old 04-02-2020, 08:00 PM   #313
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I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks a few weeks ago we'd go from Standard Time to The Twilight Zone.
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Old 04-04-2020, 01:02 PM   #314
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When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
~ ~ ~
When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
~ ~ ~
Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself."
Me: "I'd rather not. I kinda want this job."
~ ~ ~
Cop: "Please step out of the car."
Me: "I'm too drunk. You get in."
~ ~ ~
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
~ ~ ~
I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
~ ~ ~
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
~ ~ ~
If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say "Did you bring the money?"
~ ~ ~
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say 'nothing,' it doesn't mean I am free, it means I am doing nothing.
~ ~ ~
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 is new midnight.
~ ~ ~
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
~ ~ ~
I run like the winded.
~ ~ ~
I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
~ ~ ~
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

~ ~ ~
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
~ ~ ~
I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
~ ~ ~
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
~ ~ ~
It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
~ ~ ~
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
~ ~ ~
That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.
~ ~ ~
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
~ ~ ~
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
~ ~ ~
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
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Old 04-04-2020, 05:32 PM   #315
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and you kids git off my grass!!!
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Old 04-06-2020, 04:11 PM   #316
CamaroDoc
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I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue....

The gas pedal is the one on the right....
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Old 04-07-2020, 12:11 PM   #317
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Ummm what dinosaur
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Smokem til the wheels fall off
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Old 04-07-2020, 08:00 PM   #318
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Reflections of the virus:

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to ‘’Puerto Backyarda’’. I'm getting tired of ‘’Los Livingroom’’.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under….


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I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue....

The gas pedal is the one on the right....
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Old 04-07-2020, 08:07 PM   #319
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Alternative Corona Virus masks...









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I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue....

The gas pedal is the one on the right....

Last edited by CamaroDoc : 04-07-2020 at 08:26 PM.
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Old 04-07-2020, 08:24 PM   #320
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I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue....

The gas pedal is the one on the right....
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